WHO AM I?

A little background:

Who am I?  Listen Here

I have typed and retyped this paragraph more times than I want to admit.  Who am I....really?

I'm a Child of God first and foremost.  I love Him with all of my heart.  I mess up and I fall down, but I get back up again.  I know that is where my strength comes from and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I am a mom of three of the most lovely adult daughters that you would want to meet. I don't take much credit for that....they take after their dad.

I am grandma/mamaw/gma to NINE grandkids....7 girls and 2 boys.

I am a photographer who loves to tell a story through pictures. I "SEE" things differently and I like to capture that "vision" on film.

I am a Pastors wife and all that comes with that.  This was a late in life calling and so I periodically struggle with the calling.  I get much more irritated than I think a PW should get...sometimes downright ugly in my anger.....(I'm working on that).  I sometimes forget to have that quiet time that we know we should have.  Hecky durn...I sometimes cuss.  Not the real bad stuff but bad enough.  Like I said, I fall down and I get back up.  God's cool like that, he forgives me before I even ask.

I am a "Lupie".  That means I have Lupus.  Actually I have Lupus and Fibro-myalgia.  It stinks, I know..... but facts are facts and I deal with it. Because of this I get tired easier than most people. I get sick more often and things hit me harder.  I have to watch my diet more than most and can't/shouldn't drink my beloved Diet Coke.  There are adjustments but I'm alive...and I have a job to do.

And finally, I am a FOSTER MOM....and this is what this blog is (mostly) about.  Our journey through the foster system. My husband and I, at the ripe old age of   *ummm* 50-something, decided to START OVER. With adult children in their thirties and grandkids aging from 4-19, we decided we wanted a do-over.

Journey with me over the next HOW MANY YEARS God gives us in this ministry. I'm sure it will be filled with all kinds of roller-coaster moments. Come along for the ride!

A change is coming.....or is it?

I just got off the phone with the kids mom.  She was all excited speaking in glowing terms about the facility where she is staying. She was telling me that she was learning all kinds of things about herself and her issues.  She said that she is really changing for the better and that she knows that this time this is it.  She told me about her counselor, how smart he is, how he is a hypnotist, a hand writing analyzer, smart, etc etc....her savior it seems.  Sounded good until she said, " I want to be the best mom I can be...I hope (kids dad) can be the best he can be too".

That was the kicker! She had just told me that she was through with him; "kicked him to the curb", that he was an abuser and that she would never have anything to do with him ever again.  I have heard this story before. From her....from eaves-dropping at the drug court that I seem to frequent all too often.  It's always the same story, just a different face.  Mom seems to start "getting it" but the co-dependency of the significant other has a strong hold.  How long before (dad) is back in the picture.  I really think that possibly Mom might have a shot at getting her kids back but NOT if (dad) comes back in the picture.

Time will tell if this is a "real deal", if change is truly coming.  I pray that it's true but in my heart of hearts I don't expect it.  I've come to love these kids too much to feel comfortable sending them back to a dead-end life.  The stories Ive heard that would curdle your blood....it did mine...this is not the life that I want for these precious children of God.
I rest in the peace of knowing that God loves them even more than we do.  I have no other option.  It's hard.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.                                         Isaiah 26:3

Momma Bear asks Whaaaat????

Unknown to me, Missy was given a developmental screening when she was first put in daycare . This is a routine procedure when a child is in the School Readiness Program.

Today I got the Assessment. 

It shows that my little angel is lacking in the following skills:

1. Communication

    Seriously? Missy "talks" all the time!  I understand her quite well. If she doesn't have the "words" she definitely cries till we figure it out.

2. Problem Solving

  I really don't understand....She seems very intelligent to me and maybe someone doesn't know what they are doing.

Isn't that just like a momma?   That's not my kid, you must be mistaken.  Momma Bear coming out....

 I can't believe I fell into that mindset.  Me, the veteran mom of 37 years. 

Upon stepping back and looking objectively at the assessment I realize how right it was, spot on actually.  Yes, Missy talks, but communication.....well, she gets what she want, it's true, but because we are at her beck and call. We don't really give her the option of TELLING us, we just get a different thing until she's happy.  This is something that we really need to work on. We need to give Missy the skills to communicate, grow and blossom in this world. 

And problem solving....

I really struggled with this one.  Ask anyone who knows her and they will tell you how smart Missy is.  I just couldn't understand but upon further thought, I realized that she solves most problems with brute force.  We will work on this too.

Sometimes you have to step back and look at the situation with the eyes of an outsider and that's what I had to do today.

My little head-banger

Missy continues to bang her head on the tile floors, kitchen cabinets, walls, etc. I have talked to our FDS, GAL and CM.  I also spoke to her mother and asked if she has ever done this before. I was told that she had "just started" before the state "took her away".  Mom is sure it has to do with being taken and that when  it happened in her custody was "just a fluke".  Either way, it's very concerning as I am afraid that she will hurt herself. It doesn't seem to phase her at all. Sometimes she even acts like it feels good.  Most time it's when she seems frustrated but at other times she seems to do it for no other reason that she WANTS to.

I got a referral from Missy's primary care doctor today to see a Neurologist.  I'm interested in seeing what he/she says about this.

Foster Speak.....or what does that MEAN?

I have had people ask me what different "foster words" mean.  Here is a list of common acronyms and words you will hear in my posts.  By no means are these universal....some are but lots are my own....

I read several other foster momma blogs and a lot are common.

In no certain order....because that's the way my brain functions:

CM......Case Manager, Care Manager, Case Management....all the same thing, it is the person, or persons who work for the state. They manager the case.....duh

GAL, Guardian Ad Litem....A person appointed to be the voice for the children.  Most are unpaid volunteers

CPI....Child Protection Investigator or Child Protection Investigation..This is the agency that ensures that children are not abused or neglected.  Typically (at least in our case) a CPI (investigator) brings a foster child to your home the first time.

Transport...short for transporter...the person to drives a child to and from visits or other functions..sometimes transport supervises visits

FP....foster parent

Group Home.....

FDS, Family Development Specialist...A person from your licensing agency who "has your back", your "go to person"....any problems at all with the children or your CM and they will help intervene.

Licensing Agency....they license you for foster care, they do your home study, provide training and continuing education. They support you through your fostering journey.

Independent Living Counselor..... ( I copied and pasted this from their website, since I have yet to deal with them--I will update when I have personal information)

Adolescents face a range of developmental issues, and as teens approach adulthood, living independently becomes a significant goal. While youth with intact families may struggle to achieve self-reliance, youth in out-of-home care face formidable obstacles. The counselor will provide resources and program to help them achieve independent  living.

FK...foster kid   or FB...foster baby

I'm sure as the time goes on, I will encounter more and I will update this page as I learn new things.  I'm new at this too, so we can learn together.

Holy Moley.. Just be nice People!..School Readiness

Deciding on sending a child off to strangers to watch is never an easy thing.  Sure I know almost all the staff at our local daycare. In fact several even go to our same church. I trust these people, as much as I'd trust anyone. And that, is the problem.  I have trust issues sometimes.  But I digress....

Determining it was in Missy's best interest to socialize with other cookie-munchers and not just hang out 24/7 with Meme, I made a trip to the School Readiness Office in Brandon.  I was told that it was "a different world" and to be prepared.  Wow... Now, I'm not uppity at all, but the side of life that was present in that office had me shaking my head.  I saw skin-tight clothing that looked painted on and more BC (my pastor husband euphemism for butt-crack) than I care to see in a life time. I heard momma's cussing at 2 year olds and overheard iphone conversations peppered with "f..." this and "f... NO!"

Not cool.....

Also I was warned to get there early....like 6:30 am.  So I did, thinking that I would be setting there all by myself until they opened till 7:30.  Au contraire.....

I find myself 13th in line behind people who have obviously been there before! They have lawn chairs, coolers of food (seriously) and the ever-present iPhones streaming cartoons... or something, to their little people.  Oh my goodness!

Seven-twenty-nine (and a half).  The blinds are raised and the countdown is on......30 seconds, 29, 28, 27.... Seriously they were watching the hands tick to the 7:30 mark.

We filed in, signed in and took a number. ... and sat and waited.
It was like they took pleasure in making you wait.  Not a nice person in the bunch, they were all short tempered and grouchy. Not the way I wanted to start my day, especially since I had been up since 5:00am!  

It's right here that I need to stop and ask God to help me with my patience.  Really....right here...
and this is what I found:

Ephesians 4:2-3
² Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ³ Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

I stopped to pray for the employees here. They have lives outside of here and maybe they need extra prayer.  The work they do is underappreciated by the sound of all of the disgruntled patron assembled.  It was a loud work enviornment and everytime they called a name they had to do it over someones loud voice or screaming kids.  I wouldn't have wanted to work there.  
I ask the Lord for patience and he gives me all kinds of opportunities to hone that personality trait.  Maybe I shouldn't ask for it so much.

Garage Sale Fiasco OR Memorial Hospital

It's been a long day. It started out fine. Mom and dad had driven up from Fort Myers Thursday night to have a yard sale at our house.  The day woke sunny and with a cool breeze...perfect to set up the yard sale. The kiddos were enjoying the outdoors and playing in the leaves and running here and there. Right after a picnic lunch of ham sandwiches and "tato ships" Oogie crawled up on grammy's lap and snuggled close.  Mom called me over and said that she was concerned that Oogie was getting a cold....and it came up really quick.  Her eyes looked puffy and her nose was pouring.  She started coughing and sounded like a seal. Wheezing started soon after and then a fever..... I decided that I needed to get her to the doctor....right away.  I called our FDS* and let them know that I was headed to an after hours clinic.  After stopping at two different ones that wouldn't take her form of medicaid I decided to head to the hospital.
Three hours, an x-ray and breathing treatment later, we headed home with the diagnosis of an upper respiratory infection.  This is becoming a reoccurring problem that might need to be addressed with her primary care doctor.