Is it real or is it Memorex

Remember the old commercial about Memorex recording tapes? It asks, "Is it real, or is it memorex", implying that it's hard to tell the difference.

I wonder sometimes if "mom's" rehab is real or is it "memorex".  I want to believe it's real, but I struggle with that. The kids have now been in our care for 13 months and each time, I hear how good she is doing (from HER mouth) and then I find out that she has been released from that current program for non-complience.  I have to admit, the first 6 month, or maybe even 9 months, I really believed her. And each time I was let down.  You see going into this I made a promise to myself that I would be supportive, be a mentor to this young lady so I would encourage her to work to get her kids back....and each time I was let down.....

I believe she really wants to do good and change, but drugs have such a hold on a person...
Currently she is in residential treatment center about 2 hours from here. She is scheduled to be released in a few weeks and when I spoke to her the other day I asked where she was going from there.  She didn't know... I asked how are you getting back to Tampa?  She didn't know....
Part of rehabilitation is learning life skills and "figuring stuff out". My inclination is to find a solution to her problem but I have to step back and let her figure it out. If she does someday get the kids back she needs to learn these skill.  Her rehabilitation has to be real, not Memorex....
and I hope her kids are not let down.....

“I believe that in the end the truth will conquer.” ~ John Wycliffe

FAQ and other stuff......or what the heck????

Foster(ing)  An obvious word to use in the Title of my Blog
Websters definition: 1.  affording, receiving, or sharing nurture or parental care though not related
by blood or legal ties
2.  to promote the growth or development of
3. to care for or cherish Absolutely!

Shenanigans Basically just a word I like the sound of AND it works perfectly to describe our little ones
Websters definition: 1. high-spirited or mischievous activity (usually plural) Yep! that's a good definition
2. silly Oh yes!!!

The naming of one's blog, it seems, is a very weighty issue.  Although I have kept record through a diary of the old fashioned way (ie. journal and pen), I hadn't taken the leap into the blogging world for one very basic problem....

What to name the blog?

The moniker used must portray the intent and content of the the words, compelling a reader to look further and explore.  (....or do I really care about that?)  After all, the blog in journal form was never meant to be shared.  

As it turns out, I do want to share....at least for anyone interested.  The last year has been an interesting one.  There have been ups and downs for sure.  I have learned a lot about parenting (even after 38 years of being one), I have learned about the legal system, at least in regards to parental rights, and court proceedings.  I have learned all I ever thought I didn't want to know about drugs and the havoc they wreck of people and their families.  I have learned (and am still learning) the fostering system and all the language that goes along with it.  I have learned by trial and error and sometimes by BIG MISTAKES.  I have taken my journal entries and copied them to this format.

If you want to follow our story, come along, I'd love the company.  

For privacy issues I can not use the true names of the children in our care. At first I referred to the "babies" as Baby M and Baby T.  I did this as I couldn't think of any other options.  (goofy me)

Anyway from here forward I will use the pseudonyms of  Missy and Tony.  They are the current children in our care.  "Missy" is 2 years old and "Tony" is her 1 year old brother. They have been in our care for a little over a year now.  Currently their father is incarcerated and their mother is in a residential drug rehab program.

¹³ People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ¹⁶ And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.        Mathew 10:13-16

WHO AM I?

A little background:

Who am I?  Listen Here

I have typed and retyped this paragraph more times than I want to admit.  Who am I....really?

I'm a Child of God first and foremost.  I love Him with all of my heart.  I mess up and I fall down, but I get back up again.  I know that is where my strength comes from and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I am a mom of three of the most lovely adult daughters that you would want to meet. I don't take much credit for that....they take after their dad.

I am grandma/mamaw/gma to NINE grandkids....7 girls and 2 boys.

I am a photographer who loves to tell a story through pictures. I "SEE" things differently and I like to capture that "vision" on film.

I am a Pastors wife and all that comes with that.  This was a late in life calling and so I periodically struggle with the calling.  I get much more irritated than I think a PW should get...sometimes downright ugly in my anger.....(I'm working on that).  I sometimes forget to have that quiet time that we know we should have.  Hecky durn...I sometimes cuss.  Not the real bad stuff but bad enough.  Like I said, I fall down and I get back up.  God's cool like that, he forgives me before I even ask.

I am a "Lupie".  That means I have Lupus.  Actually I have Lupus and Fibro-myalgia.  It stinks, I know..... but facts are facts and I deal with it. Because of this I get tired easier than most people. I get sick more often and things hit me harder.  I have to watch my diet more than most and can't/shouldn't drink my beloved Diet Coke.  There are adjustments but I'm alive...and I have a job to do.

And finally, I am a FOSTER MOM....and this is what this blog is (mostly) about.  Our journey through the foster system. My husband and I, at the ripe old age of   *ummm* 50-something, decided to START OVER. With adult children in their thirties and grandkids aging from 4-19, we decided we wanted a do-over.

Journey with me over the next HOW MANY YEARS God gives us in this ministry. I'm sure it will be filled with all kinds of roller-coaster moments. Come along for the ride!

A change is coming.....or is it?

I just got off the phone with the kids mom.  She was all excited speaking in glowing terms about the facility where she is staying. She was telling me that she was learning all kinds of things about herself and her issues.  She said that she is really changing for the better and that she knows that this time this is it.  She told me about her counselor, how smart he is, how he is a hypnotist, a hand writing analyzer, smart, etc etc....her savior it seems.  Sounded good until she said, " I want to be the best mom I can be...I hope (kids dad) can be the best he can be too".

That was the kicker! She had just told me that she was through with him; "kicked him to the curb", that he was an abuser and that she would never have anything to do with him ever again.  I have heard this story before. From her....from eaves-dropping at the drug court that I seem to frequent all too often.  It's always the same story, just a different face.  Mom seems to start "getting it" but the co-dependency of the significant other has a strong hold.  How long before (dad) is back in the picture.  I really think that possibly Mom might have a shot at getting her kids back but NOT if (dad) comes back in the picture.

Time will tell if this is a "real deal", if change is truly coming.  I pray that it's true but in my heart of hearts I don't expect it.  I've come to love these kids too much to feel comfortable sending them back to a dead-end life.  The stories Ive heard that would curdle your blood....it did mine...this is not the life that I want for these precious children of God.
I rest in the peace of knowing that God loves them even more than we do.  I have no other option.  It's hard.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.                                         Isaiah 26:3

Momma Bear asks Whaaaat????

Unknown to me, Missy was given a developmental screening when she was first put in daycare . This is a routine procedure when a child is in the School Readiness Program.

Today I got the Assessment. 

It shows that my little angel is lacking in the following skills:

1. Communication

    Seriously? Missy "talks" all the time!  I understand her quite well. If she doesn't have the "words" she definitely cries till we figure it out.

2. Problem Solving

  I really don't understand....She seems very intelligent to me and maybe someone doesn't know what they are doing.

Isn't that just like a momma?   That's not my kid, you must be mistaken.  Momma Bear coming out....

 I can't believe I fell into that mindset.  Me, the veteran mom of 37 years. 

Upon stepping back and looking objectively at the assessment I realize how right it was, spot on actually.  Yes, Missy talks, but communication.....well, she gets what she want, it's true, but because we are at her beck and call. We don't really give her the option of TELLING us, we just get a different thing until she's happy.  This is something that we really need to work on. We need to give Missy the skills to communicate, grow and blossom in this world. 

And problem solving....

I really struggled with this one.  Ask anyone who knows her and they will tell you how smart Missy is.  I just couldn't understand but upon further thought, I realized that she solves most problems with brute force.  We will work on this too.

Sometimes you have to step back and look at the situation with the eyes of an outsider and that's what I had to do today.

My little head-banger

Missy continues to bang her head on the tile floors, kitchen cabinets, walls, etc. I have talked to our FDS, GAL and CM.  I also spoke to her mother and asked if she has ever done this before. I was told that she had "just started" before the state "took her away".  Mom is sure it has to do with being taken and that when  it happened in her custody was "just a fluke".  Either way, it's very concerning as I am afraid that she will hurt herself. It doesn't seem to phase her at all. Sometimes she even acts like it feels good.  Most time it's when she seems frustrated but at other times she seems to do it for no other reason that she WANTS to.

I got a referral from Missy's primary care doctor today to see a Neurologist.  I'm interested in seeing what he/she says about this.

Foster Speak.....or what does that MEAN?

I have had people ask me what different "foster words" mean.  Here is a list of common acronyms and words you will hear in my posts.  By no means are these universal....some are but lots are my own....

I read several other foster momma blogs and a lot are common.

In no certain order....because that's the way my brain functions:

CM......Case Manager, Care Manager, Case Management....all the same thing, it is the person, or persons who work for the state. They manager the case.....duh

GAL, Guardian Ad Litem....A person appointed to be the voice for the children.  Most are unpaid volunteers

CPI....Child Protection Investigator or Child Protection Investigation..This is the agency that ensures that children are not abused or neglected.  Typically (at least in our case) a CPI (investigator) brings a foster child to your home the first time.

Transport...short for transporter...the person to drives a child to and from visits or other functions..sometimes transport supervises visits

FP....foster parent

Group Home.....

FDS, Family Development Specialist...A person from your licensing agency who "has your back", your "go to person"....any problems at all with the children or your CM and they will help intervene.

Licensing Agency....they license you for foster care, they do your home study, provide training and continuing education. They support you through your fostering journey.

Independent Living Counselor..... ( I copied and pasted this from their website, since I have yet to deal with them--I will update when I have personal information)

Adolescents face a range of developmental issues, and as teens approach adulthood, living independently becomes a significant goal. While youth with intact families may struggle to achieve self-reliance, youth in out-of-home care face formidable obstacles. The counselor will provide resources and program to help them achieve independent  living.

FK...foster kid   or FB...foster baby

I'm sure as the time goes on, I will encounter more and I will update this page as I learn new things.  I'm new at this too, so we can learn together.